I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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