I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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