lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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