I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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