I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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