There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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