do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
