I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
