when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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