He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
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I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
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No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.