So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
