The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.