Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
