She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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