pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
