I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
