My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
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