Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
