return my video game
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
