I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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