she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
