She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
