I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
