i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Randomize
