i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
