I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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