hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
