I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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