I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
why didn't you poke me back
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My vagina just recognized that song.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
