yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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