His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
