Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
