i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
