forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize