We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
