the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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