Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
