Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
