omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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