the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
