You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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