Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
