Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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