I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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