i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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