Screwed.edu
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
