I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
