dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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