is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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