I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
