At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
