dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
