Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
