Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
