i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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