And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
