who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
