i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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