i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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