the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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