That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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