eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
