Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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