Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
