i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
