he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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