life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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