Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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