and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
