Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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