I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
