Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
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I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
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Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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