remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I wish you could order shots online.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
